Forza é Spera

New Blog

2009-02-03T00:33:00.001-05:00

So, I will continue to post here periodically, but my gestational carrier and I have decided to start our own blog together. Follow our journey at:
http://3embryos2women1womb.blogspot.com/

The Quiet Screams of Excitement

2009-02-02T16:53:00.003-05:00

"Are you excited?" I think every person I have told about the baby thing (for lack of a better word) has asked me that question...

Yes, no, sort of, not really, sometimes...does the fact that I can't answer that question directly mean I am not grateful for my second chance or that I am wrong in my decision?

I mean on some level of course I am excited, having a baby again was/is something that I have wanted for so long..and I LOVE babies..I love their smell, their softness, their drool, the way they snuggle up against you, their absolute sense of helplessness..no judgment from a baby..hell, they don't even care whether you've showered today or not. I love the idea of another person loving me like D does..very egocentric, but another orbit in my world..It is comforting to think that when mine and E's time has passed, D won't be alone, that there will be someone else on earth who feels the way he does...

BUT

I too have learned to fear the future..I am leary of the "be careful what you wish for crowd"...E's fears..will we have enough money? will it ruin D's life? can we start over again? are we really just upsetting our apple cart? have worked their way into my brain..I mean E is MY someone else on earth who feels the way I do, right? He is the only other one that fears for D in the same way as me, the only other one that secretly feels like he/I am not the best parent ALL the time, the other person that secretly wonders if we can love anyone the way we love D, the person who I will share my life with forever...so why am I plunging full speed ahead and he is barely holding on? Is it because he is wiser to think things through more or because I am impulsive and follow my desires?

or is it another example of how our biggest strength is also our biggest weakness?

We are opposites...I run in the direction of danger (sometimes stupidly) and he walks that way, I act then think, he always thinks first...I am emotional and he is rational...I make decisions with my heart, often without regard for the consequences and he makes them with his brain (sometimes without regard for emotions)...together we make a perfect unit..he is the yin to my yang, literally. So I have made him remember that this isn't just a rational decision, and he has made me remember that it isn't just an emotional one..no matter the outcome, there are both emotional and rational consequences...

So, back to the question..I am emotionally excited, but rationally reserved..I am screaming with excitement, quietly..I know how much it will hurt if it doesn't work..but I also know this time, I will survive. I told E, what is the worse case scenario? we end up back where we started, which is where we are..we LOVE our life, we are very happy..we did move on, we did accept our fate...if this doesn't work, we go back to the applecart we are so afraid of upsetting...not so bad, right?

And if it does? Well then we go back to the plans we had before this journey began the first time..the one with a house full of children (or at least two) and we build a new kind of family..not a better one, which might be the lesson we learned during the last go round, but a different one...

As a final thought...much of what I write it about me, my emotions, and my perspectives..E is the silent partner on here..at least he is silent to the public..he didn't tell anyone about the new journey for five days..I'd told all of my close friends within the first 48 hours (except one who STILL hasn't called me back!) ..But behind his silent facade, he does have feelings about all this..he just prefers not to discuss them with the rest of the world..Still, our family is the most important thing in his life. He and I have weathered much in the past 12 years (yes, its been that long) and I know that I can always count on him to watch out for me..to protect my heart, when I don't, to reassure me when I am afraid, and to love me even if I am wrong...

The Dawn of a new journey finds me climbing back on the roller coaster

2009-01-30T00:02:00.001-05:00

As I sit staring at this blank screen and think about what I want to say my heart wells up inside of me. Sometimes it seems almost impossible to put the feelings in my heart into words... but I am going to try anyway...

Almost three years ago E and I began a journey that we thought would help us complete our family...we took the lemons we had been handed and tried to make lemonade. After finding out that I could not have any more children or even use my own eggs, we made the decision to use an egg donor and a gestational carrier. At that time an incredibly amazing and selfless friend offered her heart and her body to help us with this dream. We felt so blessed to be presented with such a miracle..we knew how fortunate and lucky we were to have a person that loved us so much and was so invested in our future and our happiness. We jumped on the roller coaster and held on to one another as we plunged into the unknown. Unfortunately, after two cycles and more than a year, we were no closer to that lemonade...

So we stopped..we froze the 3 remaining embryos and we got off the roller coaster. We laughed, but mostly cried about what an incredible ride it was, and made a conscious decision to close up the hole, learn to love the life we have..to move on. We knew we'd never *get over it*...but we also knew we had to try. And for the most part, we did.. we bought a new house, we sent our son to private school, we took tons of vacations, we advanced our careers..we bottled up the hope, set it on a shelf and focused on all that was good in our lives.

And then..four days ago, one of my oldest and dearest friends reached out her hand and asked us to get back on the roller coaster and bring that bottle with us. So here we are...climbing back on.

First, we are incredibly amazed that we have found a second angel among us..most people never have one, and here we have two. The first angel is and always will be a part of this journey, in many ways it continues to be hers as much as ours. Regardless of the outcome, she gave her heart, her soul, and her body to us....she sacrificed much to help us accomplish a dream. I know that in her heart, she still wants this for us as much as we do and she may be one of a very rare few who really understands the depth of that desire. She is an incredibly important part of my life and will always be the first person who taught me to believe in the godliness of others.

The second..well this is not the first time in my life that she has been my superhero...she saw me through much of the destruction in my childhood and taught me to always be true to myself, to believe in myself (even if no one else did) and to fight, to fight as hard as I could for everything I wanted..she was often the reason I made it from one day to the next after my family fell apart. She was my idol...I wanted to be as tough as her, as smart as her, as beautiful as her...but most of all, I wanted her to be proud of me...she was *my person*...the one person who I knew would always be on my side...the reason I didn't have to be lonely, even when I was alone...and now, the one who owes me nothing, but whom I owe so much has offered to be my hero again...

So here I am..scared, scared, scared...but back on that roller coaster..seatbelt fastened, all loose articles stowed..waiting for take off..for wherever this journey goes, I know that I couldn't be in better company...my two angels (three if you count my soulmate) will watch out for me.

Facts about Barack Obama

2008-05-28T10:52:00.000-04:00

As most of you know, I am a proud member of Jews for Obama http://www.jewsforobama.com which in my Orthodox neighborhood does not always seem to be popular. Yesterday, someone actually ripped my Jews for Obama bumper sticker off my car. I live in a cul-de-sac...hard to believe one of my neighbors felt so strongly. (For the record, I have since ordered a bigger and better one).
Anyway, as this election gets closer to ending, at least the nominating process, I am gearing up for the big fight still to come. With that in mind, and as a member of Obama's rapid response team, I want to remind all my friends out there about the folly of listening to false claims. We may not all support Obama, but if you don't, let it be on the facts, not the lies. Below is a statement created (not by me, but by our Jews for Obama team) to help parse the truth from the rumors:
As we know, the Internet has become a powerful tool for obtaining information. Unfortunately, it has also become a tool for spreading misinformation and hate. Often this misinformation comes to us from trusted friends, family and colleagues who've fallen victim to the well-worded and convincing prose. When we receive something like this from someone we trust, sometimes we don't take the time and effort to ensure its validity and accuracy. All too quick to react to our greatest fears, we accept at face value, things that really deserve to be viewed with skepticism.

Everyone needs to come to their own opinion as to who will make the best President of the United States. The intent here is not to endorse Senator Obama, but to ensure that the decision to support him or not, is not made based on malicious lies and outright falsehoods. As victims of this type of campaign ourselves, those of us in the Jewish community have a duty to debunk and destroy these smear pieces, and not fall into their trap, regardless of who they're waged against and whether or not we agree with their politics.

In an unprecedented move, Nine Jewish organizational leaders signed on to a letter that spoke out against rumors about Barack Obama. The signatories were the top executives of the United Jewish Communities, the Union of Orthodox Jewish Congregations of America , the American Jewish Committee, the Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism, the Anti-Defamation League, the American Jewish Congress, the National Council of Jewish Women, the Jewish Council for Public Affairs and the Simon Wiesenthal Center. From that letter, "These tactics attempt to drive a wedge between our community and a presidential candidate based on despicable and false attacks and innuendo based on religion. We reject these efforts to manipulate members of our community into supporting or opposing candidates."

They were joined by seven Jewish United States Senators who wrote a letter of their own. "Over the past several weeks, many in the Jewish community have received hateful emails that use falsehood and innuendo about Senator Barack Obama's religion and attack him personally. As Jewish United States Senators who have not endorsed a candidate for the Democratic nomination, we condemn these scurrilous attacks. We find it particularly abhorrent that these attacks are apparently being sent specifically to the Jewish Community. Jews, who have historically been the target of such attacks, should be the first to reject these tactics."

For the full text and names of signatories to both letters, see here: http://www.pjvoice.com/v32/32101obama.aspx

Please also see, "Behind the letter on Obama: Why the Jews entered the fray" on the website of the JTA, http://jta.org/cgi-bin/iowa/news/article/20080122obamaletter20080118.html

Barack Obama is PRO-Israel. From his website: Barack Obama strongly supports the U.S.-Israel relationship, a mutually beneficial bond strengthened by common values, histories, and dedication to democracy. Obama believes that our first and incontrovertible commitment in the Middle East must be to the security of Israel, America’s strongest ally in the Middle East. "Our job is to renew the United States' efforts to help Israel achieve peace with its neighbors while remaining vigilant against those who do not share this vision. . . That effort begins with a clear and strong commitment to the security of Israel: our strongest ally in the region and its only established democracy. That will always be my starting point."

For Senator Obama's position on Israel and his plans for helping Israel attain peace inside her borders, see here: http://www.barackobama.com/pdf/IsraelFactSheet.pdf

From an article published in the Jewish Journal, Mel Levine, a former Member of Congress from California and a former member of the board of the American Israel Public Affairs Committee writes: "As a state legislator, a Congressman, and a private citizen, I have been politically active in Jewish causes, including pro-Israel causes, for over forty years, and have observed many presidential candidates. But Barack Obama is the first to so thoroughly capture the imagination of Jewish Americans. . . Obama's vision of unity makes him a natural ally to the Jewish community. Likewise, he has been a strong ally to Israel. . . In his speeches and public statements, his legislation and his voting record, he has proven himself to be a stalwart friend of Israel, committed to helping Israel in its search for peace with its neighbors, while standing strong with Israel against those who do not share this vision."

Read the entire article here: http://www.jewishjournal.com/home/preview.php?id=18832

You can also read the complete text of his March 2007 speech to AIPAC, at this link: http://obama.senate.gov/speech/070302-aipac_policy_fo/

Barack Obama rebuffs George Soros, the billionaire Democratic contributor who called for the U.S. to pressure Israel to negotiate with Hamas, even without recognition of Israel's right to exist. From an article published in the New York Sun, "Yesterday, Mr. Obama's presidential campaign issued a dissent from the Hungarian-born billionaire's assessment. "Mr. Soros is entitled to his opinions," a campaign spokeswoman, Jen Psaki, said. "But on this issue he and Senator Obama disagree. The U.S. and our allies are right to insist that Hamas - a terrorist organization dedicated to Israel's destruction - meet very basic conditions before being treated as a legitimate actor."

. . .Rep. Robert Wexler, a Democrat of Florida who sent out an e-mail to Jewish supporters in his home state last week vouching for Mr. Obama's pro-Israel bona fides, said he too rejected Mr. Soros's comments. "Senator Obama says until the Palestinian government fulfills all three of the quartet requirements, the United States should not and would not recognize the Palestinian government. Senator Obama is clear, Mr. Soros appears to have a different position," Mr. Wexler said.

See the full article here: http://www.nysun.com/article/50846

Barack Obama decries anti-Semitism. In an speech at Ebenezer Baptist Church on the eve of Martin Luther King Day, Barack Obama excoriated anti-Semitism and other forms of bigotry. "We have scorned our gay brothers and sisters instead of embracing them. The scourge of anti-Semitism has, at times, revealed itself in our community. . . Every day, our politics fuels and exploits this kind of division across all races and regions; across gender and party. . . So let us say that on this day of all days, each of us carries with us the task of changing our hearts and minds. . ." The full text can be read here: http://www.californiaprogressreport.com/2008/01/barack_obamas_s.html

Barack Obama denounced Louis Farrakhan, contrary to the opinions of the minister of his church. "I decry racism and anti-Semitism in every form and strongly condemn the anti-Semitic statements made by Minister Farrakhan," Obama said in the statement. "I assume that Trumpet Magazine made its own decision to honor Farrakhan based on his efforts to rehabilitate ex-offenders, but it is not a decision with which I agree." http://blog.washingtonpost.com/the-trail/2008/01/15/obama_decries_farrakhan_statem_1.html?hpid=topnews

Barack Obama is a Christian, NOT a Muslim. There's not really a need to expound on this, other than to direct those still not convinced to the Urban Legends Reference Pages, which roundly debunks this myth. http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/muslim.asp

Thank you for helping spread the truth.

An Open Letter to Superdelegates

2008-02-15T14:59:00.000-05:00

Dear Superdelegate,
I am a 30 year old, married, mother of one. I am a Modern Orthodox Jew and a STRONG believer in Barack Obama. Although I am now a PhD student and a working member of the middle class, it was not always so. I grew up in the poor inner city outside of Boston. In my childhood world, children and adults alike didn't beleive that there was anyone to help people like "us". No one cared that we couldn't go to the doctor or dentist, no one was interested when we couldn't pay rent or untilities, no one noticed that each day we fell further and further behind. I grew up, I found a way, through education, to get out, to make a new life. Unfortunately, not all of my family and friends were able to do the same. There are millions of people in this country,like those in the communit where I grew up, with no hope, millions of children who don't think anyone cares, can or will make a difference in their lives. Barack Obama can and will change all of that. As I have visited old friends, talked with my family, my brother who is a single dad and still can't afford health and dental insurance, I have heard them begin to hope, begin to believe that there really may be someone who cares and who can change their lives. That person is Barack Obama. The people in state after state are speaking out for Barack. My college aged sister has been engaged into canvassing her campus to ensure that students vote. I have begun to believe too, believe that when Barack is elected, fewer children will grow up like I did, fewer families will sleep with no heat or electricty, and more children will have hope and believe in our country and their own futures. Please listen to the people, use your vote to support the candidate that the people want and that we all need...Barack Obama.

Fired Up...Ready to Go!!!

2008-02-05T09:18:00.000-05:00

Although many of you know where my political allegiances lay, I do not generally push anyone else to believe as I do. But at this moment in time I think it is incredibly important to *speak up*. Barack Obama is not just a man with a dream, or the candidate of hope, he is the best chance this country has seen in a long time. He represents the views of those of us breathing idealism. He has engaged and motivated a whole new generation without which democracy will not continue. Please, if you have not considered him, do and if you have and have not decided on him, reconsider.
Here is a link (http://www.barackobama.com/index.php#) to the video of Barack that you may have seen on CNN last night. It was not made by his campaign, but by supporters, or as I call them *believers*.
Please take this moment to help change history, to elect the person who will lead with dignity and justice and put the *United* back into the United States.

My Education Policy Rant

2008-01-18T10:16:00.000-05:00

No child left untested, as I fondly call it is the subject of today's rant. Someone very close to me sent me a message about an issue with her daughter. Her daughter is 5 and is currently in kindergarten in a public school. The school is telling her that her child should go back to Pre-K because she is not reading yet. For those of you who know me, you know, this make me FURIOUS. Anyone with any background in education knows that this is ludicrous! First of all, developmentally, five year olds should not be pushed to read...most kids pick it up around 6ish and the average kid reads smoothly at 7! That is a year and a half from the little girl mentioned above.
The problem, as I see it, is that NCLB (NO Child Left Behind- the current education policy) is requiring so much testing that even kindergartners are being tested. As I have mentioned before, in looking for schools for D, I visited the local elementary school. They told me that they test their kindergartners three times a year for reading! This is ridiculous. The first grade curriculum has been moved into kindergarten. So much is being pushed at our children that the preparatory nature of kindergarten is being lost. Another friend, who is a teacher in a local public elementary school bemoans the way the new testing has changed the curriculum. She has been teaching for many years and says that kindergartner's creativity is being dismissed. School is all about reading (and for those in half day kindergarten, there is time for nothing else). She talks about how she has to close her door so they can practice plays and have free play...the things that kindergartners *should* be doing. Kindergarten was meant to help children adjust to the structure and discipline of a classroom, sitting in a desk, lining up, etc.
Now, someone has the nerve to say this little girls is "immature and not ready for kindergarten" because she is not reading? I know this child pretty well and have seen her interact, she does her "homework" without problems and clearly knows the basic academic things. This push to push our children, beyond their developmentally appropriate capabilities is going to land us with another generation of children who hate school and feel like failures.
For all these reasons, D is likely to go to private school. We had our meeting with the private school on Tuesday and it went really well. After telling them our life story (ugh)it seems that they are very likely to give us some kind of financial aid which will make it easier for us. So, as I eat my big bucket of crow that my child will go to public school, I really resent the current policy. I resent that I have to make this choice. Still, at the end of the day when it comes to my child- I will always make the choice that is best for him, regardless of how much I want to support and believe in public schools. Instead, I will continue to work and fight to make our public schools a better place for all children, mine and yours included.

Mi famiglia di Italiano

2008-01-15T14:11:00.000-05:00

This is mi famiglia di Italiano (my Italian family). In the picture, from left to right is E, D, Salvatore (my Italian father), Nunzia (my Italian sister), Maria (my Italian mother) and me! These are the most amazing people you will ever meet. They are so kind and gracious. In the deep poverty that is Napoli, they work hard to make an honest living. They brought us into their home, made us an amazing Italian meal, and shared the best Italian desserts on the planet. I am trying to convince them to let Nunzia come to America for a year and study here- she graduates this year. I just hope it is not another three years before we see them again. I have suggested to E that rather than us take another vacation, we purchase tickets for them to come here.
As for the rest of life...E has a terrible cold and an eye infection... D is fighting a cold and I am *still* having issues with my eye...ugh! We are also still working on falling into a regular schedule although now I have added going to the gym to my regular schedule. Still not working on comps...bad! bad! bad! I am getting close though :)
We are also still awaiting word on E's job. As some of you know he applied for a new position and it appeared that they offered it to him last week. I say appeared because now that he called them to accept it, he hasn't heard anything back. He called yesterday and they said okay, we will get back to you and then nothing today. IF this job falls through, it will not be good...he has already made the mental break from his current job. We have already (after they said "we want to offer you the position") begun to figure out how our new schedules would work. More than anything, E is not the type of person who goes into change easily and this has been a long journey for him. For him to be knocked down now would be devastating. It is SO stressful!
In addition, today we have meetings at the Jewish Day School (JDS) where we are considering sending D. It is such a hard decision- the public school here is great, but still subject to NCLB. We went to visit and saw that the student to teacher ratio is about 20-1 where at JDS it is about 6-1. Not to mention they told us at the public school that they test kindergartners two to three times a year in reading...in kindergarten! I do think JDS is the best place for D...he is creative, independent and not a conformist...the issue is the $$$$$$$$$. It is $17,000 a year! ouch! We are applying for financial aid, which is one of the meetings today. Wish us well
I will post an update on both situations soon.

Warning: Don't mix politics and love!

2008-01-11T08:32:00.000-05:00

So today ends the first day of my first week working full time in the last 5 years. I am so exhausted :) It has been good...E has survived morning parenting alone, D has survived late stay (only two days) and our house is still in shape since C has been home! Still, I need a bedtime!

Last night I went to see the Moisyev Ballet...check it out http://www.moiseyev.ru/ (be sure to click on English in the top right corner- unless you read Russian :)) It was AMAZING!...not like your typical ballet...no Swan Lake here...it was colorful and beautiful. When they come through again I am gonna take my sister and maybe even D....

Since I am still avoiding completing my comps (I know, I know...get to it)- I have been obsessed with the elections. As most of you know I am supporting Barack Obama. Although his charisma and eloquent speech are inspiring, I also believe his message is vital to us right now. I wish he was a little more liberal about gay marriage and am not completely convinced that his healthcare program will be sufficient. Still, his ability to work together with people will be a fresh change for the White House- someone who doesn't claim to know everything, but is willing to work with others, even those who subscribe to other political philosophies. Anyway, anyone interested in discussing the issues or wanting more information about him, let me know.

I will state as an aside that I am likely to support whichever Democrat gets the nomination since I think all three would be good presidents and I am a bleeding heart :) .....Unlike my husband.

So my big issue of the week...can your significant other, the one pledged to spend the rest of his/her life with you, your soulmate, the one who you know was made just for you...the other half of you...hold diverging political views? As a tree hugging lefty, I believe that I should be tolerant of everyone's views...and generally I am. One of my closest friends (RH) is a lifelong Republican and I really respect her views...it does not affect our friendship, if anything it helps both of us from becoming too narrow minded. Anyway, since we moved we had to update our voter registration and my soulmate decided to change his lifelong affiliation with the Democrat party and instead register as an *independent*. Now, rationally I get this isn't the end of the world- but coupled with the fact that he has been moving to the more socially conservative side for the last 3-5 years, I am upset.

My politics are not just a hobby- they are an extension of my life mission...I believe that I have a duty to leave the world a better place than I found it...My goal it to help those that need it, to speak for those without a voice, and more than anything...to fight for equality...equality for everyone, regardless of race, sexual orientation, age, ability level, zip code, body shape, etc. I work in politics because I believe it is the pathway for creating such change (coincidentally, also the reason I support Barack). For my man, the one who is supposed to*get me* to move away from these views (that he held 11 years ago when we got together) is distressing to me. He makes comments about how many poor people (specifically his clients) think they are *entitled* to services...that it (poverty, drugs, child abuse) is a cycle and that they(poor people/his clients) have to do something to help themselves. For me, this completely disregards the institutional and structural deficits that help to cause and perpetuate inequality.

A recent event is a perfect and necessary example....someone very close to me has some MAJOR dental issues going on. This person has serious infections throughout *their* (I know not grammatically correct, but not identifying gender) mouth...they had two major abscesses removed last week, have at least 8 more abscesses still present and are likely to have ALL of their teeth pulled and then get false teeth. So I took this person to a specialist (a prostodontist) in a relatively wealthy area near where I live on the recommendation of my family dentist. It was the worse visit ever...the prostodontist took one look at this person and asked "do you even own a toothbrush?" The doctor continued to insult and humiliate the individual through the entire appointment. I believe he took one look at this individual, read that this person doesn't have insurance and assumed this person could not afford his ridiculously high fees. More importantly, he immediately assumed that this person's dental problems were caused due to "laziness, unhygenic behavior and drug use (yes he asked)". He didn't ask this person about his life, didn't sympathize for the incredible amount of pain the individual is in, didn't acknowledge that this grown adult was already incredibly humiliated by the situation. For me, this was a class issue...to judge this individual based on the individual's appearance and to treat him poorly...that is what is wrong with the world. Had he asked, he would have found out that this individual has lived indepenently since about age 15, served in the U.S. military (not overseas, but still), has worked (physical labor with no benefits) everyday of the individual's life and is a a single parent to a child and has been since the child was 2 years old, now 9. The individual has NOT had health or dental insurance, does not get paid for days off, does not have the resources, time or money to take care of the dental problem. Then, as the problem got worse, it quickly went down hill and the embarrassment factor came into play. I do not exonerate this person from all responsibility- but to judge the individual without any of the facts and treat the individual poorly (regardless of who the individual is) is the problem today.
Back to the point...I need the closest person in my life, my partner to support my battles. It helps if they are battles we fight together...especially since that was my experience for the first 5-7 years of our relationship...still, as a close friend reminded me, we all grow and change. I know that- but my beliefs are the essence of my being...just as I would never have married a racist or a bigot, or even simpler, someone who didn't want children, as that would belie fundamental differences that I do not believe are compromise-able, especially in raising children, I am having a pretty tough time reconciling his changing heart.
P.S. In trying to explain to him how I feel, I asked how he would feel if I became a die hard Yankees lover...he says he would be okay with that...right!

...And Real Life Begins

2008-01-07T09:58:00.001-05:00

So today is my first day in my new full time position (and here I am blogging :))

I am still in the same office but have been promoted to a full time position. This works perfectly since I am now finished coursework! Still, I am a bit worried about how to finish all the disseration writing that I have been taking a break from the last few weeks.

Italy was okay..D got sick the first day, nothing like having your kid throwing up in a foreign country for 24 hours to freak you out! E got a head cold and I, get this, have a "corneal ulcer"- sounds scarier than it is..will be fine, but drops and paste in my eye (Ewww!) for a week or so. Still, it was awesome to visit with friends, visit our Italian family, eat amazing olives, drink limoncello (if you haven't had it, come on over, we brought some home), and bask in the glorious Napoli atmosphere (feels like home)!

We finally have the new house all set up, above is the picture I have been promising to put up (Soon, I will put up more inside ones now that it is set up). We really love it and feel so lucky and blessed to finally be in our "forever house". We are also eternally grateful for the amazing community we live in and thier supportive and loving nature.

Miji turned one Saturday and C is 20 today! It is so amazing, I feel like just yesterday I was braiding her hair and putting her in dresses, now she straightens my hair and makes fun of my dressing! D is doing well, wasn't so great in Italy, but that was probably lack of sleep, lack of healthy eating, and not feeling well. He starts "late stay" at school today even though I only work til 3 (he stays until 4) and decided that sounded "scary"- I know he will be okay, but I do hate having him stay later. Sigh...such is life I guess.

All else goes along well...need to be working on my comps, but having such a nice break :) Also, totally siked about Iowa...can't wait for NH tomorrow..GO Obama!

Welcome Miji!

2007-07-18T12:11:00.000-04:00

Here we are in Nashville...LOVE the hat!

This is Miji! Isn't she cute?

Okay, D..a little looser...don't hurt her! Big hugs!

Okay, so first, sorry it has been so long...those in touch know that finals sucked! I have turned in chapter two of my disseratation and am affording myself a two week break before I start working on revisions and chapter 3...

Next...the biggest update? I got a Puppy! Her name is Miji which is a combination of Marjorie (my grandmother's name) and Mimi (what I called her). She is part Shi Tzu and part Bison Frise...called a Shizon..she is golden blondish, weighs about 14 pounds and is now 6 months old (we have had her for about 2 months)...I absolutely love her...she follows me around and snuggles with me and is just perfect! Now, the bad part is that D is making her crazy..he chases her, pulls her tail, sits on her, and steals her toys...I think he is taking out all of the jealousy that he would on a sibling...Still, the other worry was E and he is getting used to her...even being nice to her...she is pretty cute and actually looks like a teddy bear. The best part is that having her has really helped me...I may never accept our circumstances completely, but I am learning to live with them. So check out the picture above...doesn't D look like he is holding her a little too tight?...good thing is that she loves him too and hides from him when she has had enough.

So, as for the rest of life...it is really good...We spent a week In Las Vegas with another family and D and C came...it was tons of fun and C and I went horseback riding in the desert...E won $550 bucks in the slots at the airport! Then we came back and E and I went to Nashville, just the two of us, for 4 days...it was really wonderful...I remembered how much I absolutely love and adore my husband...we had so much fun together and it was a good refresher for those tough days...

Now, I am just working, relaxing, reading some great novels (waiting for Harry Potter on Saturday) and working out...oh yeah, I have worked out consistently (at least 6 days a week) for the last 4 weeks and have lost 6 lbs! not too bad...had to do something after last semester's weight gain...so I hope to post a little more consistently now (I can see you all rolling your eyes)...I want to make sure to write when I am happy (like now) and not just when I am sad.

Holes...

2007-03-06T13:58:00.000-05:00

Well, let's start with the good new...As many of you know, I gave a talk at Harvard last week. It went really well...Standing room only..people asked to work with me..it was such an exhilirating feeling, being accepted and recognized in my professional community! I know I am bragging, but it is my blog :) Anyway, the rest of the trip sucked...
I went to my grandmother's grave and felt so profoundly sad...it feels like yesterday. I think all that talk about "it gets better with time" is just BS...it does not..I miss her as much now as I did seven years ago, sometimes more. As I sat in the snow on the ground and poured my heart out to her, all the questions I need answers to and the sad and happy events in my life, the pain welled. I knew that when I got up and walked away, I still wouldn't have any answers. The immense loss, the hole in my heart that she left, makes me feel so lonely. I long for the unconditonal, never faltering, never far, love and support. I always knew how special she was and how much she meant to me and I am lucky that I could tell her that before she died. So what is my point? I miss her everyday and still have trouble moving on without her.
Second sucky thing- I went to visit an aunt, one of the few family members I have kept in touch with and although the visit seemed fine as I went to leave she told me that she thinks that I bear some responsibility for my mothers journey into the mental insitution..ouch! I do not deny that things were rough, nor do I think I was a perfect daughter, but I was a CHILD...the most painful part was not that I think my aunt was right, but that she thought that...all this time, this is what she really thought..I feel so betrayed. By the way, this aunt has NOT kept in touch with my mother...that burden has fallen only on me....It is perfect because what I need in my life is more guilt.
Finally, last Friday (March 2nd) was the due date for the baby that miscarried last summer. That means that I could have had a baby right now...but I don't. I know that at some point I have to put this all behind me and move on, but it make me so sad. I really feel that the journey is over, partly and maybe mostly, because I am just not sure that I can ride the emotional roller coaster anymore. I am tired of facing this problem, tired of fighting, tired of hurting, tired of people feeling bad for me...I just want to be normal, whatever that is. I want to find a way to accept what I have and not feel that hole...I want to wake up and not be enveloped with sadness for what I don't have. I am afraid that if I don't find a way to deal with this, I will waste my life being sad about it and not spend time appreciating what I do have. I don't want D to remember me as sad...and if I can't find a place to put this loss I will do exactly what I didn't want- make D feel like he wasn't enough. So I think it is time to start healing...I am not sure how, but I am working hard on figuring it out.
I have mentioned to E that I really think that a puppy would help, someone to cuddle, snuggle, and love that would love me back unconditionally, be loyal and faithful to me...somone that I can cry in front of and she will not think that she needs to fix it- will accept me ALWAYS, flaws and all....someone to snuggle on my lap when I study and lick my tears when I cry...I need an emotional connection to someone that I am not afraid will hurt me. I know how much E & D love me, but I am not sure that I will ever stop being afraid of the hurt that comes with loving anyone as much as I love them. Everyone I have ever loved as hurt me, maybe not intentionally and probably often because of strong sense of love I felt for them, that I hurt for them...But a puppy...well maybe she can fill the holes, one lick at a time.

Answers and more Questions...

2007-02-12T18:50:00.000-05:00

Well, so in response to the last post, I finally have a dissertation question. It came alot faster than I though it would, thanks to my AWESOME advisor. So, this sounds a bit convaluded..but basically I want to look at how cultural capital and social reproduction play out in schools. There was a great study done by a woman named Annette Lareau (who is currently teaching here at MD and with whom I am also working) that defined different parenting styles designated by class. She proposed that theses parenting styles actually affected the children's abilities to do well in school because schools privileged the middle class style of parenting, called concerted cultivation, over the working/poor class, called accomplishment of natural growth. What I would like to do is to actually go into the schools and see what this privileging looks like. My argument of course would be that the policies themselves also privilege one class over another. So that is the answer :)
The questions...as some of you know, E and I have been going to MC and we are really, really doing well. I have never felt so connected to him, so close to him, and so much in love with him. He is really an amazing and loving man and I have returned to my initial observation that he is G-d's gift to me for all I have been through in my life. However, the process has been SO painful. Reliving the disappointments and past hurts sometimes feels like hell. I know that the end process is so worth it and can even see benefits now, but sometimes I wonder if it will always be this much work. Can I maintain this level of constant work? is this what relationships are really about? will it ever just be "natural"? i know that I am a fighter and will always *fight*, but I do hope that home is a place that I can let my guard down and just be. I feel like the process somehow undercuts the self esteem I have worked so hard to build. I have to constantly analyze why I do and say what I do and i realize that I am not always *nice*...the bigger problem of course comes in trying to figure out why I am not nice, why I try to evoke shame or pain...that then is a reminder of my past..the painful stuff I have *dealt with*....I know that a stronger US only comes from each of us becoming stronger as individuals...still, does the pain of the past ever go away, does time REALLY heal all wounds?

Dissertation Question Anyone?

2007-02-07T12:05:00.000-05:00

Well, since I originally started this blog as a way to record our fertility journey and that is essentially stalled, I decided to write about something else..and since the next thing in my life that is all consuming is graduate school..ta da!
I met with a professor yesterday to begin discussions about the ever elusive dissertation question. She gave me some advice about how to start: take the three areas I am interested in, education, policy, and social inequality; and then list all of the topics below them, so for example under education it may say, achievement, testing, vouchers, etc. and then I have to rank order the topics ...and of course two things happen 1) you figure out that there is some overlap, for example vouchers is both about education, a form of policy, and a topic of social inequality ( BTW- I am NOT interested in doing anything about vouchers) and 2) you can begin to narrow the general areas to more specific topics...hopefully that helps *me* figure out a question.
Next she wants me to list all the books in these areas that are relevant, those I have read and need to read and figure out what my dissertation could potentially add to them. That seems like a tall order...I mean these are some brilliant sociologists, economists, and scholars, and I am supposed to *amend* their work??? This "literature review" of sorts will be part of my dissertation proposal which she would like me to write this semester...
So on the one hand this is good because it is moving things along, on the other..OMG- I am feeling a bit overwhelmed, incredibly anxious, and a bit intimidated at such a BIG task looming in front of me. Okay, back to work...making lists :) Thoughts? Those that have "been" there?

Found: Fellow TTP Survivor

2007-01-30T14:42:00.000-05:00

So- on the same vein of my body SUCKS- there was an interesting article in the Post this past week. A woman who was a pretty well known basketball player in the area was diagnosed with none other than Thrombotic Thrombocytopenic Purpura or for those who are a bit tongue tied, TTP. Read the article http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/01/24/AR2007012402268.html

Most of you know that this is the disease that I have that has effectively ended the extension of our family. I was diagnosed when pregnant with D and relapsed when he was 18 months old. A series of blood tests have shown that although I am in remission and not symptomatic, that the disease is still hanging out in my body. This means that I need to be "very aware" of what is going on with my body, say the doctors. If I sneeze, here come the antibiotics!

I have had a lot of time to come to grips with all the why bad stuff happens to good people thing, I mean maybe I am not as good as I think I am :)...still, it was pretty emotional to read the woman's story. Anway, I called her because I thought it would be nice to meet someone else with TTP and guess what? she e-mailed me today and wants to talk. It turns out that she was treated by my doctor and my nurses. I am really excited about the prospect of having someone else who deals with the same level of body betrayal to commisserate with :)

Since I am such a chatterbox, talking about it is always healing. Living with the fear of knowing that I may have already met my match, and although I have won some battles, I will never win the war, is one more challenge I endure. I hate when people say all that "whatever doesn't kill you will only make you stronger"...I do NOT need to be any stronger..I like myself just as I am. Still, it keeps life exciting...and maybe holds the threads for a new friendship.

Lesson #1 for the World

2007-01-30T13:50:00.000-05:00

I hate the smugness that fertile women assume! I mean, seriously, we can not all just get pregnant. I hate that people just assume that we are all "so happy" for them...now, I do not ever wish upon anyone what has happened to us, but I do wish people could be more considerate.
I wanted more babies...I wanted a bigger family..but that is not what the world has in store for me. I want others to be more thoughtful about how the rest of us feel. I can't tell you how many times a week I get asked "when are you having more children? doesn't D need a sibling? oh, your such a good mom, why not have more? So when is the next one?" ARGGGGGGGGG!
I do not need to be reminded on a regular basis that my body SUCKS...that I can't do what every woman is supposed to be able to do, that I have failed my adoring husband who wanted more children, the amazing child I have that would love a sibling and myself, who thought my life would revolve around a brood of children. I remember all of this by myself. EVERYDAY.
I do not expect that strangers will offer sympathy or contain their wonderment, but I do expect that they should contain their tongues...it would be a nice lesson for the world to learn that you shouldn't say *everything* that you think.
And for those who are supposed to be my friends- if you know me and you care about me, then you must now that although I REALLY am happy for you, this is incredibly hard for me. The divide that comes between those who can and those who can't often seems untenable and although I hope that I do not become a resentful old woman for what I didn't have, I know that I am resentful now, at this moment. And I am not angry at my friends, nor do I wish them anything but joy, happiness, and good health, but I wish they would be considerate enough to wish me the same...to understand that althought their pregancy has nothing to do with me and really is about them and their family, my feelings have nothing to with them and everything to do with me and my family. So know I wish you strong, smooth and healthy pregancies, and please respect that I can't be part of it because it reminds me to much of my hurt and pain.
I do not know that this pain ever heals, but I do expect that it gets more bareable. Still, since our last gestational cycle only ended 2 months ago and the pregnancy from the baby that miscarried would have been due in 2 months - it is all a little too soon to expect that I could just have *moved on*.
Each day I come to grips with what my life will be, how it will not be what I thought it would, not better or worse, just different...Everyday I grieve my body's betrayal and my loss in the belief of karma..please respect my privacy while I do so.

Stretch Armstrong Syndrome

2007-01-24T17:01:00.000-05:00

So, for those who don't know I am currently part of a research team working on a project in a local school system. We are gathering information about a specific intiative that has been put in place to help schools that have been designated "in need of improvement". Today was an interview day...can I just say...Arghhhhhhhhhh!!!! I did not have the tape recorder on! What a stupid mistake...I am really frustrated...of course I did wake up at 5am...more argh...you all know I am NOT a morning person. Now I have to reconstruct the meeting/interview from memory..good news is I went to the other school and tracked down the person who has not been returning my calls...I fell like I am practicing stalking :)
Lately I feel like I am being pulled in a hundred directions...work, classes, conferences, volunteer stuff, GSA, family..no down time ...I am supposed to get my nails done tomorrow and Ethan asked me if "is it important?"...I said "hell yeah! It is important to me!" :) I didn't make it to the gym last night and wont be able to go at all this week...that sucks...now I gotta be really careful about the calories...
I guess the mood of the day is not happy...still...R comes into town tomorrow and I am hoping to get a bit of quality time with her...and then I have a conference on Friday and J and I are staying in a hotel! whoo hoo!
So- the question of the day...how do you say no? I am so bad at that...the hero complex allows me to overcommitt...advice?

Catching up

2007-01-23T12:35:00.000-05:00

so, it has been months since I have written- but I told a friend that I would start trying (thanks J!)...lots has changed and nothing has changed...So, in no particular order:
School- I figured out that I will be finished coursework at the end of the summer...on the one hand it is relieving, on the other scary as all hell...that means dissertation is around the corner...It also means this semester, which starts tomorrow is really crazy..I am part of a research team and doing some intense research, I am also taking 3 classes! one of which is stats! yuck!
D- he is doing well, although his hair is a bit out of control:) He is loving school and we have his parent/teacher conference this week...wonder if he will fail potty again :) I also volunteered (with all my spare time) to organize the book fair for his school...this is the working mother's guilt catching up with me especially because the last thing I have time for is making these little fliers and running around to get book lists. Still, it is nice to be a part of something that is for him, at least indirectly..makes me feel more involved...a could do a whole posting about working mother's guilt...
Family- Co is doing better in shool after the big suspension and D continues to do well at work - things are a bit tense around the house with the constant television watching ad video game playing..at least football only has one more week. Ca is really loving college and went back two days ago after being home all month. She actually called college her "home"...dagger to my heart :( Still, I know that it is good that she enjoys it, is doing so well and really finding her own..I just miss her so much more than I expected I would
E- well, we finally started the big MC...I think he is really appreciating it whereas it is painful as all hell to me...I see this being the center of many more blog entries..overall, I think we are doing okay, but mostly because his effort is keeping me from blowing up..I just think that he doesn't understand how hurt I am ...I know this is going to be a fruitful road, but I think it is going to suck more than I expected...(seems like a theme, my not expecting the right thing)
Fertility issues- so, at this point we have officially stopped...for those not in the "know" our second attempt failed and so although we have 3 embryos, we do not have a carrier...and truthfully I do not know how I feel about all that.... on the one hand, I know that our family is not complete, on the other hand, I recognize that I may not have a choice about it being complete...I am also not sure how many more failed attempts I can go through..the miscarriage over the summer really threw me for a loop...it doesn't help that my critical friends are both pregnant..maybe there is no karma...maybe there is something about me???? okay, no feeling sorry for myself (that is my self-imposed rule)....still, I HATE the confusion...I just want someone to tell me to keep trying or stop...however, we all know that is NOT how it works
Work- Have I mentioned that I really LOVE my job...things here are going well..this week is one year in the office! Hooray!...lots of conferences coming up and I just got a paper accepted at the Harvard Graduate Student Conference...Yay Boston!
Done- so besides all of the above I am still trying to work out (Thank you A!) and am still president of the Graduate Student Association, planning our own grad student conference, and trying to stay sane...not to mention that our house has NOT sold...ouch..so now we have to make another round of decisions about that....yuck...can't we have any smooth rides? not free, just smooth?

Life

2006-08-24T13:44:00.000-04:00

hmm..so I finally got my computer back..it was off being "fixed"- only now that I have it back, it isn't really fixed at all- still has battery problems. Best Buy is still working on it. Anyhow, now I can try to post more regularly. Course, I am not sure what to post about..let's see.
My nephew, whom I adore, finally got back from Boston but it was a big fiasco. So he is hanging out with Dom this week because neither of them have school or camp yet. That means E and I are juggling schedules trying to entertain the boys...you all know how much I love being off schedule..it makes me feel so behind and "off kilter" Classes start next week and I am actually pretty excited about that- it all goes back to the schedule thing. Besides, I am a NERD and I love classes.
The other big deal in our lives is that my sister goes to college tomorrow! She has everything she needs and is ready to move in, although still a bit stressed about all the paperwork and stuff. We are so proud of her and really excited for her at this "big step" in her life. On the other hand, I am going to miss having her around all the time. Funny how that pesky little sister becomes your friend. I know she will be so nearby and I will see her lots, but still not being here all the time will be different.
Finally, we decided to put our house on the market and then rent something in the Jewish community. It seems like the right decision for us, but getting the house ready to sell does cause some stress. Painting and packing, yuck!
well- that is pretty much an update..I hope to write again soon with something more interesting.

Birthday, Beach, and Babies

2006-08-07T21:29:00.001-04:00

okay, so that is alot of B's! Sorry I haven't posted in a while, but life has been a bit crazy..First, last week was my birthday and it sucked...twenty-nine is not such a big birthday, but it did make me feel like there is so much more in my life that I want to do. I also felt a bit overwhelmed by the recent sadness, guess birthdays aren't always happy.
Then we went to the beach for four days..that was awesome! I love the beach...the ocean is so calming and beautiful. We spent alot of time swimming, did some boogie boarding and Ethan and I went parasailing! We were 800 feet in the air and it was amazing...we actually saw sting rays swimming in the water! Next time we want to rent waverunners and race around in the ocean. The kids had a great time playing together and really seemed to enjoy being with all the family. We came home early for Ima's surgery and thank G-d it went well. Hopefully life will start returning to normal now:)
Finally, we met with the doctor today about the baby stuff...he gave us the go ahead to try again, but I feel so conflicted. He explained that it is possible that all the embryos may not thaw and that we may actually have less chances than we think. That is scary..I am not ready for all of this to be done. Being in his office really made me relive the incredibly long journey we have been on. I want this so much and it is so scary that we have to face the facts that it may not happen they way we want. I know all the advice about putting it in G-d's hands, but that can be hard to do...I guess I just have to have more forza e spera!

Prophetic - Public v. Private

2006-07-26T11:11:00.000-04:00

So remember in my last post how I said that the events in the world seem like the whole apocalypse thing? Well lo and behold, last night Fox news (I know, eww for Fox) did a segment on churches and religious groups that believe we are entering the apocalypse and that the world really is ending...seriously, I think this is all a little chicken little-ish, but it is interesting to look at what Revelations (not Jewish) says about the end of the world and compare it to the current events..still Revelations is so vague, that probably every era could make an argumet for the end of the world. I say...bring it on :)
Okay- new topic... as most of you know, I am very passionate about education, especially for low- income children. Well recently there was a new report published about public v. private schools. Now, I care so much about this because conservatives generally think the answer to helping poor kids is to offer them vouchers for private schools..I hate this idea because it takes money from the public schools and there are not enough spots in private schools for these kids and private schools can kick the kids out and keep the money...the child goes back to the public school without funds...Now, the new report shows that public schools are performing as well and often better than private schools with the exception of 8th grade reading...so all the hooplah about how wonderful private schools are, is just that..hooplah...
I have a lot more to say about that, but first, the point of this is that a friend of mine who keeps her own blog wrote about this and disparaged public schools for the requirements they hold for teachers...she mentioned that she does not want to take "loserish education classes" just to teach in public schools...she has a masters in the subject she taught in private school and feels that this is enough and that the public schools should respect her "degree, high grades, and good lesson plans". As much as I love my friend (MUAH)...I think this is part of the problem with the public v. private school argument...understanding a subject is not the same as being able to teach it...we have all heard the old adage that "those who can't do, teach"...this is why teachers get paid Jack...b/c everyone thinks that what we do is easy...and that anyone can do it...well let me tell you...teaching is also about understanding child development, learning styles, differentiation, and a bit of social work...only about half of teaching is really about the subjects....understanding children , what they bring and what they need and how you can create the optimal environoment for each of the 30 kids in your class is what the "loserish education classes" are really about..I am proud that public schools, with all of their other issues, at least require something of their teachers...and I am proud to have taken those loserish education classes and I too have a degree in the subject I taught, high grades and great lesson plans...

Moving Forward

2006-07-24T09:11:00.000-04:00

So we had a pretty nice weekend visiting some friends at their lakehouse ( I know sounds a bit snotty)...still the bad news keeps rolling in ... Ima's second tumor was cancerous...although we are still optimistic, more cancer is never good... The last biopsy is Thursday, so everyone cross your fingers
We have decided to continue trying to move forward with the gestational carrier/baby issues. I am going to try to get an appointment with the doctor for when Robin is here so we can discuss options and next steps...Even though I feel discouraged, I know that if I really want this I can't give up. And Yes, I do still really want this.
As for the world- that doesn't help my discouraged outlook...sometimes when I turn on the news I feel like I am looking at a movie showing the apocalypse...fire raging across California, tsunamis and flooding in the east, war in the middle east...Ahhhhh! what is happening to our world?
Okay, enough said for a Monday morning...hope everyone had a great weekend and has an even better week :)

Avoiding and Pondering

2006-07-20T16:40:00.000-04:00

So I realize that the last posting was really just an attempt to avoid talking about what I really want to say...Lately I have been incredibly discouraged with life.
Now, I have real issues about feeling sorry for myself, but I feel that if there really is a G-d, s/he must hate me. Just the fact that I am not sure G-d exists is a statement about my current disposition, as a modern-conservadox Jew who has been relatively observant for the last 9 years, it downright scares me that I have begun to think it is some sort of "hoax" (no offense meant to those who are believers)...I guess it is more generally a coping mechanism and the need to control SOMETHING in my life
The problem is, I don't really think the world is balanced..I mentioned to a friend that the good things in my life haven't really balanced out all the bad...then I began to ponder if this is really true because I have learned many things, even from the bad stuff...I learned that there are people in the world who will sacrifice a part of themselves in order to help someone else, that miracles can and do happen, that sometimes, the bad stuff has to happen to make room for the good stuff..that crisis may bring you closer to those who don't believe in emotion and that no matter what, I will get through it.
Still, the loss of - loved ones, my health, the ability to carry a baby, and maybe now even my faith- just seem to be unfair and saddening...in the end, that is how I feel, a little angry, a bit bitter, pretty anxious, but mostly, tired...tired of analyzing, tired of fighting, tired of crying, just tired...I promise all of my posts will not be so depressing...I do have la forza e spera- but sometimes it just helps to get it out

Funny Jewish Jokes

2006-07-20T12:14:00.000-04:00

Hey - My sister in law e-mailed this to me and it did make me laugh...one of the goals of the blog..so I thought I'd share:
1. The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that "Won Ton" spelled backward is "Not Now."
2. There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school.
3. Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink? A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
4. Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American-Princess horror movie? A: It's called "Debbie Does Dishes."
5. Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers? A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.
6. Q: What's a Jewish American Princess's favorite position? A: Facing Bloomingdale's.
7. When the doctor called Mrs. Liebenbaum to tell her that her cheque came back, she replied, "So did my arthritis."
8. A man called his mother in Florida, "Mom, how are you?" "Not too good, " said the mother. "I've been very weak." The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days." The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?" The mother answered, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."
9. A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play. She asks, "What part is it? The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband." The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."
10. Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife? A: Under the vacuum cleaner 11. Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb? A: (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody."
12. Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat.
13. Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said "Lady I haven't eaten in three days." "Force yourself," she replied.
14. Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother? A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.
15. Jewish telegram: "Begin worrying. Details to follow."
16. Q: Why are Jewish Men circumcised? A: Because Jewish women don't like anything that isn't 20% off

Genesis

2006-07-20T11:58:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone- well thanks to Nicole, I now have a blog..for those who are wondering "la forza e spera" means strength and hope..two things that have become critical to my life these days. I hope to use this blog to sometimes vent, sometimes laugh, and ponder that which is my life. please feel free to post and tell me how your life is going..